I’ve become more conscious of the things I give out to and consume from social media. I’ve tried to take a step back before posting l and ask myself: how is this serving other people? How is it serving me? I am posting because I feel empty or because I feel full? Am I posting it to receive the Instagram equivalent of a side hug in the form of likes and comments? Or am I posting it because it reflects how am I now, will make someone’s day brighter, or teach them? What mark is this leaving?
I believe that if you aren’t contributing something to this world, you’re taking away from it. If you’re showing up to only show the perfect parts of yourself, the parts with photoshopped bodies, Snapchat filters, and the perfect 140 characters to sum up your fabulous life, are you really adding anything? What about when you share the real ups and downs of your journey? When you share the light you found at the end of the tunnel, or how it felt when you knew the floor, I think you’re adding something the world can benefit from. They say food is either medicine or poison, and I don’t think that’s limited to the physical. I want to take any influence I have seriously. I want people, after consuming what I post, to feel full. I post the silly moments, the tough moments, the victorious moments, and the lost moments of my journey because that’s my journey, and I won’t only show people the perfect parts of it in a false attempt to cover up any parts of myself I want to ignore.
I did a photoshoot in May right after one of my bikini competitions. There was a photo my friends and family adored, one where I was full on laughing with my head back. It was one of those laughs that lit up my entire face. But since I was a little crouched over, I had a roll of skin hanging over the waist band of my jeans. I hated it. I never wanted it to see the light of day. I was willing to throw away a photo because of a roll of skin. But I chose it, because it’s a picture of the me I want to be. Happy, full, peaceful, driven, confident, grateful, genuine. If to be that person means I won’t be perfect, I’m okay with that, and I think the more open we become to sharing our story, our full story, the more we come to accept ourselves and step into the people we want to be.