A letter to anyone unhappy with him or herself,
I know who you are. I know who you are because I am you, or was you, or struggled with the same thing as you. I let people be my measuring stick, and because of that I always fell short. I starved myself, and ran myself into the ground, and for what? Every single time I looked into the mirror I saw flaws; I saw skin folds where I thought there shouldn’t be, and saw vulnerability where there shouldn’t have been, so much so that I kept going until I saw bones, and even that wasn’t enough. I was caught in this toxic cycle of disbelief and “I’ll be happy when”’s. I lost myself in trying to achieve an unattainable and unhealthy level of “perfection.” What made it worse is that, at my most unhappy and unhealthy, people were complimenting me. They said they wanted thin legs like mine, or abs like mine, or discipline like me. I got high off of validation, and each time it got harder and harder to feel the same thrill. I craved more and more and more, I went out of my way to please and impress others, with me each time after the high wore off only feeling lower and less confident. Joy from validation of others is meaningless without the validation from yourself. It won’t stand firm when life knocks you down. There will be no one in the audience of life to clap for you if you don’t have the confidence to get on stage in the first place.
So, I am not here to tell you how dangerous self-hate is, or how you are perfect the way you are, or how you have all the potential in the world to do whatever you set your mind to. These are all true, yes, but I know from my own experience that you have heard this all too much and that it only makes it worse. I am here today to tell you that you are not alone. You are not the only one that feels you are not good enough. You will have bad days, but there are bright sunny days ahead. It is easy to listen to fear and self-doubt as they shout lies that echo off the walls of your mind because they are loud. But, I’m begging you to find those tiny voices, even if they are barely a whisper, find the voices that remind you how beautiful and capable and loveable you are. I challenge you to find these voices. Some days, it’ll be easier to find them than others. It takes practice, trust me, it takes time. But it gets easier, and you aren’t alone. You have me. You have your friends. You have your family. You have God or any higher power you may believe in. You have thousands of people that are going through the same thing. I challenge you to find those truth-telling voices that build you up. I challenge you to, at the end of each day, write out the good things in your life and the things you’ve done that you are proud of. It won’t be easy, but you are strong-willed and capable of doing whatever you set your mind to. You just have to believe it. Take the time to convince yourself, and know that not every day will be a victory. But some days will, and I don’t know about you, but I’m living for those.
Sending love your way each and every day,