writing

What is Love?

“What is love?”

I’ve never been in love. How can I tell if I’m in love if I don’t know what it is? I’ve heard people describe it. They say love is like a rollercoaster. It makes you feel on top of the world only to plunge you right back into a deep, dark abyss. Love fills your stomach with butterflies and you can wait a forever for it, even if only to keep it for a moment. Love never satisfies; once you experience it once you would wait an entire second lifetime for just the taste of it on your tongue.

Love is blind. Love falls without knowing where it’s going or how to get there. It’s like stepping onto a train without a destination, but it doesn’t matter because the best part is the ride anyway. The ride, full of twists and turns and unexpected stops, I would stay on that train forever as long as you never got off. But then you do, and I tried so hard to get off with you, but the metal doors closed before I could move, so I sat in the cold seat, forever frozen with the thought that I no longer wanted to be on this train anymore. Lost, I wanted to go home, but without you, I wasn’t sure where that was anymore.

Love is home. It’s the home we trudge through the bitter cold to get to because the black smoke coming through the chimney is as alluring as the smell of freshly baked cookies from the warm fire that makes it. It is as comfortable as my childhood blanket, fresh out of the dryer, which is never the same unless you are holding me tightly with it wrapped around our shoulders. Love can rip it from my grasp and leave me alone, cold in the snow, without someone to hold me or keep me warm. I never appreciated that blanket until I forgot it on the floor of my old house. I never cherished the journey until I was forced to take it alone. I never appreciated love until you left me without it, sitting alone on the cold metal bench as the train I once cherished came to a screeching halt, just like love always did.

I stepped out of the car into the newly fallen snow that didn’t seem as chilling, embarked on a different train, and hoped it’d begin again.

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