I want this blog to not just be about me. Who really wants to read about another person’s wins/losses, gains/setbacks, fears/hopes? Not me (sorrynotsorry). I want this to be a place where people can find things that motivate them, or find things that make them feel something. Anyone can write something beautiful, but it hard to make people feel. It’s like that quote from Eleanor and Park:
“Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t
supposed to look nice. It was supposed to make you feel something.”
I want this blog to make you laugh with me (or at me, whatever works for you) and relate to whatever struggle we are going through. Charles Dickens once said (a quote that I really like), “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it to anyone else” (expect tons of cute quotes because I am totally obsessed). I hope that, through this blog, you realize you aren’t alone in whatever you are going through, and in acknowledging that you can lighten your own struggle (because the struggle is real amirite?) or you can find someone that is going through the same thing.
It may sound cheesy but that’s okay. You may think I am crazy and that’s cool, too. I want to share with you my goals and document my journey together.
A lot of people ask me why I compete. Competing in NPC Bikini (which is like a type of bodybuilding kinda) to me is not just about getting lean and working out and transforming your body. To me, the mental journey, the one that tests my limits and makes me re-evaluate my values and concept of self, is the most prominent and satisfying:
My goal whenever I compete isn’t to come home with a trophy. I don’t care about that at all and I’m saying it now so that when I complain about placing you all can remind me that it was never the goal. The goal is to push harder, look better, and be stronger than the girl who stepped on stage at the last show. The goal is to have fun. Show day was undoubtedly one of the best days of my life and the future will be no different if I have the right attitude. One of my goals is to become more adaptable, to be ok with not knowing what is going to happen but rather be focused on what is happening now, what I’m doing now. I compete for the girl that is afraid of the scale, of carbs, and focused on her body’s weaknesses because throughout every prep I will only focus on just how strong my body is and what it can endure. I am so grateful to be able to compete, and I hope to keep that in mind throughout the entire journey because although I may struggle, I chose this path and I’ve worked hard to get here. I choose to compete and it is a blessing to be able to do so. I will try to never resent any part of prep or myself. The goal is to keep going farther out of my comfort zone as to keep discovering abilities that I didn’t know I possessed.
Every time I step into the gym, I am given the opportunity of a lifetime. Only a minority of people my age know exactly what they want out of life and have the means to zone in on that goal, and there’s no chance in peanut butter that I’m going to throw that away because I’m scared. Of course I’m scared; I can admit it. But I also can admit that fears are meant to be overcome, as are defeats. I set out on this journey to prove to myself how strong I am, and that comes not by putting a smile on my face and being focused when everything is going right, but pushing 130% when things are less than ideal. I compete because I deserve to see what my life would look like if I gave 130% and I owe it to myself to take advantage opportunity and see just how much I can push myself out of my comfort zone.
Throughout prep, I learned a lot about myself. Throughout my life, I’ve excelled at basically everything I tried. I was a straight A student, earned my gold award in Girl Scouts, graduated top 10% of my class, and knew exactly how my life was going to go. I wanted, needed to know if this success was because I always set easy goals or because I was a hard worker. So, I thought of the most challenging goal I’ve ever had and I decided that for once in my life I was going to take a risk and do something I wasn’t sure I could accomplish. So, did I always set easy goals in the past or am I a hard worker? A little bit of both I’d say.
So there you have it….this is our starting point! How I feel and where I want to be. I have no idea what this is going to entail, or where I’ll be in the future, but I am excited to get there. What are some of your goals?